For my daughter, on her seventh birthday –
I wonder how to express the happiness I feel when I witness you grow each day, perhaps there is no expression, perhaps its a feeling just to be preserved. Its through you and with you I am living and growing, learning and expanding, laughing and relishing.
I fear it too when you fear something, but there I learn to be strong for you to be strong. I am upset too when you are upset but there I learn to leave you alone for you to learn to deal with it. I dream it too when you dream as the hopes twinkle big in you little eyes when you see the same in my eyes. I am excited too when you are excited reading a story, watching a movie, trying new dance steps, singing songs and there I learn new expressions, and I am filled with nothing but joy, joy of witnessing a life !
The day I held you for the first time there was an instinct, a little fear that you would prefer to crawl soon and then walk by yourself and then run but no one but me was the happiest when you first crawled, walked, ran. You were still turning back to make sure I am there, you still wanted me to be around you.
You endeared the rains and the flowers, you wondered about the sun and the moon and with that I discovered the nature again. You were sad when the wolf gobbled little red riding hood, you were proud when the mouse could help the lion, you were astonished with the mermaid princess’s magical powers and there I found myself oscillating on a sea of emotions and expressions and once again I was filled with nothing but joy, joy of witnessing a life !
Your world is bigger now, your mind struggling to know everything around and heart juggling with new emotions. You have cute little secrets to giggle over, you have your own craft ideas, you want to dress by yourself, you ride two wheelers and yes now you tell me that princess’s magical powers are fiction, now you like explorers Jack and Annie and you do not want to be a nurse any more, you want to be an astronaut, a hair stylist and a super star.
Here I learn not to exhaust with all your questions, i accept all your challenges to my wisdom and learn to accept failure at not always dealing your tantrums nicely. Here I witness your baby steps to selfhood and I wonder how to express the pride I feel, perhaps there is no expression !
However I fear, however I want to protect I know I must let you flap your wings and take the flight to fall and to rise like the birds do, I must let you struggle like the butterfly do to come out of cocoon for if I raise your wings, if I snip the cocoon you will never fly and thus I will never fly !
Here you begin your journey to find your horizons, here you start to flap your wings and here you start to break your cocoon. You show immense courage to embrace the world and it expands my courage to overcome my fears, to push you out of the nest for you to fly high, reach your horizons. Goes the fear with your courage, your strong will and I am once again filled with the joy, joy of witnessing a life !
You still turn back to make sure I am there, you still want me to be around, I can still watch you fly but soon you will reach higher, you won’t turn back, you would not need me to be around. You might fall down but I know you will rise because you saw me overcome my fears, you will overcome yours too.
To follow your dreams you might fly high in the sky, you might dive deep in the ocean or just travel long on earth. You might struggle sometimes, you will be victorious sometimes, you might be scared sometimes, you will be courageous sometimes.
Whatever comes through the journey do not let the spirit die and any time through your journey you feel to rest or pause, you come home to me and once again it would fill me with joy, joy of witnessing a life !